Calends
created the 2nd of June, 1996
by Thomas Spanos

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My diaries had become the constant in my life during my transition from true sentience to self sufficiency. I wrote every day and was woefully unprepared for the loss of one such book.

I find things. I am quite adept at this. I find things were things are not supposed to be. Conversely, is not a natural event that I should lose things. It happens still, but is unusual for me to lose things, especially those that are dear to me. But dear it was when coming home one late one night I left my diary on a commuter train. Not just hand lettered folios, but dreams and hours of paintings.

It hit hard. Despite myself I could not help but reel from the perceived loss. (Perhaps I just needed the drama to validate my own existence.) However it was, eventually I recovered, vowing never to let such a loss interrupt my sense of self again. I continued to keep my journals, but I ended my daily entries. I write from this point on when I need to, when I want to. Not because I have to. I could have called the new book Mean and Lean.

Instead I have this book Calends. Calends is the 31st day of the Roman month. It is the first day as the dates were counted down. The title of this book suggests a new beginning, as in the cycle of the moon. While I cannot deny the male depicted stands for myself, the female is not based on a particular being in my life at the tyme. She most accurately represents "wishful thinking."