sticks and stones
Over the years I have noted that strangers and acquaintances alike have a need to define me. Label me. Tell me what I look like. Though thoroughly unsolicited these comments have been at tymes insulting, humourous, confusing and/or flattering. I mote to share with you a few of these references for I feel that in their collage, these titles paint a unique picture of who I might be.

Eric Northman; Downtown Chicago, Illinois, 16th of September, 2009
I have heard this several tymes this year, and I meant to list it here before. But when one of Chicago's finest pulls up in their squad car and shouts, "Hey, Its Eric from True Blood," it is tyme to record. Eric is a prominent vampyre on the adult drama True Blood.

Emo; Oak Park Avenue, Oak Park, Illinois, 16th of September, 2009
And not Emo Philips either. This was shouted at me by a choir of angels from behind the safety of their passing school bus. It is a derisive aimed primarily at the young who, overwhelmed by the outside world, turn inward while barring social interaction behind a veil of black garb. True I was dressed all in black, but black is not my uniform.

Bret Michaels; New Pot Restuarant, Oak Park, Illinois, 20th of March, 2009
A text book example; My friend and I sat waiting to pick-up our orders when a young lady walked in, took one look at me and said, "You know who you look like..." Bret is the lead singer for the glam rock band Poison.

Loki Coyote Trickster; Cerrillos, New Mexico, 8th of March, 2009
After spending the weekend in his company, our friend and shaman guide Dennis Highhorse gave me this title.

Civil War General; Cerrillos, New Mexico, 8th of March, 2009
As we were setting up the inipi for the day's sweat lodge ceremony fellow participant Jacko, greeted me with this remark on my attire. All gathered around the fyre laughed. I was just being me.

Like someone who's into Metal; Neo's nightclub, Chicago, Illinois, December, 2008
A gentleman tapped me on the shoulder as I took a moments rest from dancing to inform me of his beliefs about my music tastes. Well, I do like Dethklok, and that is the blackest metal that there is tyme's infinity.

Rutger Hauer; Phone conversation 24th of September, 2008
A dear friend who I have not seen in sometyme recently acquired a DVD player and made the masterpiece Blade Runner, one of the first films in her collection. After watching his protrayal of Roy Batty, she felt the need to call.

The Undertaker; Chicago Public Transport, 24th of September, 2008
A very enthusiastic fellow commuter first asked if I was a wrestler and then announced the that he felt I resembled the celebrated wrestling personality.
Columbus Park, Chicago, Illinois, October 2006
By a group of young boys attending Redmoon Theatre's Twilight Orchard outdoor spectacle. (The group wrestled with this and two other possiblities as to who I resembled most.) The Undertaker is the ring name for wrestling professional Mark Calaway.

Jay Aston; Dragon*Con, Atlanta, Georgia, 2nd of September, 2008
Of Gene Loves Jezebel fame. My friend Cheryl imparted this to me as we conversed into the final hours of the convention. It would appear that I resemble many a rock star.

A solider from a war film; Chicago, Illinois, 8th of August, 2008
A colleague made this statement as I was leaving work for the weekend. I was carrying a long box in my arm. My colleague felt that the box, combined with my stance made me look like I was about to march off to war.

Prince Nuada; phone conversation, July, 2008
I had not spoken to my colleague Art A. in some tyme. He caught me off guard with this non sequitur observation. I was deeply honoured by the comparison.

Meant to stand at the prow of a Viking Longboat; Neo's nightclub, Chicago, Illinois, May, 2008
One fellow, Mazel--near as I can tell--has spoken this to me a number of tymes when I go out to dance. When I am not dancing, I stand at attention on the perimeter of the dance floor.

Borne to be in the Wilderness; Palos Hills Forest Preserve, Illinois, 16th of February, 2008
Together with a group of friends I traveled to take advantage of a snow shoe trek sponsored by REI sporting goods. I don't own proper sporting equipment so I improvised my cold weather outfit. The REI guide seemed impressed with my appearance and made this proclamation.

Mickey Knox; Neo's nightclub, Chicago, Illinois, 1st of December, 2007
The diversity and frequency of these comments sometymes catches me unawares. A man interrupted my dancing to tell me that I reminded him of actor Woody Harrelson's role in Natural Born Killers.

¡Beowulf!; Chicago Loop, 28th of November, 2007
Only a matter of tyme I suppose. There's a big-budget gimmick movie loosely based on the epic in theatres this season. The hero has long blond hair. A man shouted this at me from a car as I walked to work. Again, I was wearing my shawl.

A Real Cowboy; Chicago Loop, 27th of November, 2007
It has turned bitter-cold in Chicago. I have taken to wearing a wool shawl on top of my jacket. While I wore no hat, I suppose the shawl was enough to inspire a random stranger to stop and make this statement.

Bounty hunter; Chicago Public Transport, 13th of September, 2007
Folk on the train have the most interesting things to say. I may not be a bounty hunter, but I do dress up as one on special occasions. Oddly enough, I was not so attired on the evening in question.

Liam Neeson; Dragon*Con, Atlanta, Georgia, 5th of September, 2007
As I passed a reenactment of the Last Supper with folk dressed as members of Devo, Valerie (the nonDevo head of the table), declared that I look like Liam.
Since 1997; I have heard this so often that I had begun to wonder about my genealogy. I have been told that I look like the actor himself. At a renaissance fair, a woman said that I resembled the character he played in Rob Roy. After Star Wars TPM was released several strangers commented on my semblance to Liam as the Jedi knight Qui Gon Jinn. And then, at a wedding banquet my Kendo instructor told me that I reminded character Liam played in Schindler's List.

Satan's Nephew; Chicago Public Transport, 15th of August, 2007
A fellow passenger caused me to chuckle with this non sequitar. From across the isle I heard him mention "he looks like a Satan worshipper." When I met his eyes to confirm the statement he continued "You look like Satan's nephew." I feel it my responsiblity to note that I was wearing grey trousers and a silver casual dress shirt.

Like I should be in movies; Upper Wacker Drive, Chicago, Illinois, July 2007
As I walked past a filming location for the next Batman movie, a sage on a bicyle rode passed and returned to offer this compliment.

Kid Rock; MySpace, July 2007
Shannon, a sweet lady that I meet tyme and again at conventions dared to make this comparison via private message;

"ok, this will probably offend you...
and you will disown me entirely...
but in your blog where you are working on that costume, you look a little like Kid Rock."

Reid Murdock building Chicago, Illinois, 29th of Novembre 2005.
I was waiting in the lobby, speaking to a security guard after hours, when a woman began to knock on the glass entry door. The guard let her in and asked if she was attending the private party upstairs. The lady stood dazed starring at me. Finally she said "No, ¿but is that Kid Rock?" referring to me. I spoke that I was not and she made her way back out the door, still starring.
Michigan Avenue in downtown Chicago, July 2004.
I guess it is a yearly thing for me. Was not even wearing my hat.
June 2003. Thrice in as many years. And just when I thought it was safe to wear my "Gambler" hat in public again. This tyme I was identified as "That white rapper, 'Kid something' the one who just did that song with the country singer" by a well meaning pan handler.
June, 2002. The CVS convenience store clerk made me wait to pay for my Vanilla Coke until his mind could produce the name of the pop star who haunts even the happiest of my hours.
14 July, 2001. I have now seen photos of Kid Rock. I think that the Kid is copp'n my flave.
June, 2001; While walking in a neighborhood that was hosting a show by the musician. This case of twins-separated-at-birth may have never crossed my mind, had it not been for the valiant efforts of a couple of considerate teenage concert goers who thought to inform me.

Fabio; Clark Avenue, Chicago, June 2007
Been a while. I was walking with a my friend Danielle to a dance palour. As we strode a woman in a cab leaned out the window a shouted; "I can't believe it's not Fabio." All in good fun.
1992, Chicago; A street urchin spoke thus as I dined outdoors with a dear sweet lady pal. Fabio is a cover model, singer, and butter substitute spokesman revered by romance novel aficionados the world over.

That Pirate Guy ; My friend Abigail's Party, Chicago, May 2007
Abigail was hosting a party in relief of her nursing study program. One of her guests made this obsevation citing my long coat.

The Mad Hatter; Neo, Chicago, Illinois, April 2007
The nickname a fellow patron had admitted to assigning me. Funny thing was I wore no hat on that occasion, but the patron in question did.

Like Someone from The Rolling Stones; Pumpkin Moon, Oak Park, Illinois, March 2007
A young lady stopped me on the way out the novelty shoppe to tell me that she liked my hair, and then made the comment about "The Greatest Rock and Roll Band in the World." She gestured to suggest that I might ideally be suited as the drummer.

The Vampyre Lestat; Rosemont Convention Centre, Illinois, February 2007
Interestingly enough, within a half hour of being likened to the lead singer of Twisted Sister, a young lady came up and spoke that she felt that I resembled the lead character from Anne Rice's Vampyre trilogy. I wonder which vision of Lestat the young lady had in mind, (beyond the books, Lestat has been portrayed by two separate actors.)

Dee Snyder; Rosemont Convention Centre, Illinois, February 2007
A man mirthfully made this statement as he shook my hand. I puzzled over the meaning of being likened to the 80's pop star until I had an opportunity to look up the singer's recent appearance. Having done so I now appreciate the statement.

Like someone who just walked off the set of a movie; My demist's office, Oak Park , Illinois, January 2007
When I came in the door for my appointment I was taken off guard by this assertion from the receptionist. She explained that it was in the way I entered and how my hair reacted to the wind.

Dave Mustaine; Outside of Neo's nightclub, Chicago, Illinois, October 2006
As I was leaving for the evening a group of patrons stopped me and spoke that I resembled the singer/guitarist for the heavy metal band MegaDeth. They went onto assure me "it is a good thing."

Kevin Nash; Columbus Park, Chicago, Illinois, October 2006
By a group of young boys attending Redmoon Theatre's Twilight Orchard outdoor spectacle. (The group wrestled with this and two other possiblities as to who I resembled most.) Mr. Nash is a wrestling professional.

Jesus; Columbus Park, Chicago, Illinois, October 2006
By a group of young boys attending Redmoon Theatre's Twilight Orchard outdoor spectacle. (The group wrestled with this and two other possibilities as to who I resembled most.) This has been spoken to me before and I have always thought it to be an interesting perception. ¿What exactly does it mean to resemble an iconic figure whose appearance is subject to the culture and tyme in which it appears?
Wabash Avenue, Downtown Chicago, Illinois, March 2002
In this most recent encounter a man stopped me in the street to announce to me that he felt that I resembled the late prophet. Then he tersely demanded that I thank him for his observation. Were I only the son of man, there might have been some lighting bolts raining down. Instead I nodded and smiled.

A Player Chicago Public Transport Station, 10th of August, 2006.
From a gentleman seeking alms as I arrived downtown. According to The Ebonics Dictionary for Non Speakers and Social Workers Version 13.021F this means I am one "who disses all his ho's."

Jerry Cantrell Chicago Public Transport, 17th of July, 2006.
"Dude you look like Jerry Cantrell... Are you Jerry Cantrell?" Jerry Cantrell is the songwriter/lead guitar for the rock band Alice in Chains. A trio of friends were conversing when, I gather, one noticed me and made this observation.

Sephiroth Informal gathering, Roselle, 27th of May, 2006.
Friend of a friend, Bruce casually described how he was watching a cut sequence from the video game Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children when it struck him that I could pass for the story's main villain.

Joe, the Harmonica Instructor Blick Art Supply, Chicago, 17th of May, 2006.
Friendly salesperson Anne stopped me to state my resemblence to the Harmonica Instructor at the Olde Town School of Folk Music in Chicago. Joe, is reportedly of German/Scandinavian origin.

Renaissance Man Live Journal, 3rd of March, 2006.
Joe, aka F16warbird, spoke this of me in reply to a post I had penned. I was displaying my the embroidered patches made from my logo work, discussing my costume projects, and welding class. I recalled being called this before--a long tyme ago.

Sean Bean; "the actor who died at the end of the 'Lord of the Rings." River Forest Jewel, Illinois, 21st of Decembre, 2005.
As we paid for our groceries, the bag boy* asked if I was an actor, and then suggested that I look like "the man who tried to steal the ring from Frodo." *I am not sure of the politically correct term for this profession.
Gen Con Indianapolis, August 2004.
Professional belly dancer Margaret Lion told me I resembled this actor while I was taking her picture at the 2004 Gen Con convention. Funny, I was done up in my recreation of the young Clone Emperor. Sean Bean recently played Boromir in the film The Lord of the RIngs: The Fellowship of the Ring.

A Jew ; Chicago Public Transport, 28th of Novembre, 2005.
I was writng with quill and ink in my journal. It is how I pass the tyme on the commute to my office. I man asked if I was a Jew. Puzzled I asked why. He noted my writng and said that this was how Jews write. Eh, ok. News to me. Very odd, considering I have been called a Nazi too. (Not that the two are equivalent opposites but they do tend to be on polar ends of the scale.)

Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin; Chicago Wizard World, 6th of July 2005.
It just gets weirder. 501st Legion Stormtrooper TK7305, Jeremy, related to me how he and some friends felt that I should costume as the late Imperial Governor on account of the similarities in our facial features. I have nothing but respect for the late Peter Cushing. While some may find Peter's gaunt, high-cheek-boned visage to be ghoul-like, I am honoured by the comparison.

A demented version of Benjamin Franklin; While returning to my office from lunch, 17th of June 2005.
My new coworker, Kathryn, voiced this impression on the way I looked to her from behind. She added that I lacked only the ribbon for my hair.

Thor; in a reply at The Dented Helmet, online forum, 20th of March 2005.
Forum user Skalen Fehl seemed to be remarking on an image taken of me while working on my DURGE project. I was holding a hammer.

Isaac Newton; At my office desk, Enyclopædia Britannica, Inc. Art Department, Chicago, 11th of February 2005.
Trully not the morning greeting I was expecting from my coworker. Nonetheless, Jerry stepped into my partition to produce a print out of a painting of the late (1643–1737,) astronomer/alchemist/theologian. I wonder if there is some cosmic connection between called an apple picker just days before;

An apple picker; In the entry way of my own dwelling, 6th of February 2005.
My dear friend and confidant Carol of PrettyPeopleUnderground, surprised me at my home as I returned from the cellar where I had been working. I hazard that my buddy was not accustomed to seeing me in my work casual clothes.

Suspicious; public park , Oak Park, Illinois, 29th of July, 2004
Deep in thought about the mechanics of biblical wrath, my eyes breifly scanned those of a young girl walking in my direction with her mother. As we passed each other the child spoke "Oh he looks very suspicious." I could tell that the adjective was one of her largest words. The mother and I both laughed. Children are wonderful and true. It is amazing what they can see.

"that forest god thing from Princess Mononoke;" Bristol Renaissance Fair, Kenosha, Wisconsin, 17th of July, 2004
I was wearing my freshly remade antler in my personal tribute to the Iron Age Celtic forest spirit Cernunos. I have to believe that this young lady was thinking of the Didarabocchi, the nocturnal form of the Shishi Gami god animal from Hayao Miyazaki's masterwork Princess Mononoke. It is animation of epic proportion. The message delivered in Princess Mononoke is one I feel that we as a society would do well to heed.

The Admiral ; Grocery store parking lot, Oak Park, Illinois, 2nd of May, 2004
A man on grocery chart detail halted me to remark on my Deutsch Lieutenant Naval coat. He urged me to consider a career in professional wrestling suggesting that my stage name could be The Admiral. He was quite serious.

Like someone who should be in a scary movie, a vampyre maybe; Target Greatland, River Grove Illinois, 28th of February, 2004
The lady working the concessions stand volunteered this. Then she prepared some very nice pretzels for me. ¡But no garlic salt, bleh!

Eine Eins; Freiheit 36 , Hamburg, Deutschland, 2nd of January, 2004
While visting the club where the Beatles first hit it big, I stood at attention, accessing the environment. Our friend Holmigeir remarked to my companion that I resembled the number 1.

Crispin Glover; Hoosier Effects Studio, Indiana, 23rd of November, 2003
After emerging from a life casting, for which I had oiled my hair back to fit under a bald cap, special effects artist and master character sculptor Joe Lester made this declaration. Mr. Glover played George McFly in Back to the Future, and more recently The Thin Man in Charlie's Angels (2000.)

Branden Fraser; Replica Prop Party, Oswego, Illinois, 13th of July, 2003
My very first prop party. It is a party where the attendees display their custom made one-of-a-kind or limited edition gadget and/or costume replicas from the big screen. Upon our meeting the hostess of the party remarked that I resemble the campy yet suave hero from Hollywood's recent Mummy remakes.

Robin Hood ; The Tree House Cat Sanctuary, Chicago, 1st of June, 2003
While finishing up the adoption process for Leeloo, our new feline cohabitator, a passing cat counselor spoke on how I resembled Nottingham's most renown hero.

The Evil Bunny friend of Donnie Darko; at a meatless meatball tasting stand, 8th of March, 2003
It was plenty cold and I was dressed in my long wool coat and matching hat. The hat was custom-made by my companion Alexandra , and has two 14" long points. The lady working the sample stand told me that I resembled the phantasmal character (Frank,) from the film Donnie Darko. Her colleague stumbled at the suggestion, betraying a slight tremor of fear. We rented the film that evening. All is clear. Not much tyme left now. Cellar door.

Viking; at a custom clothing store, in my neighborhood, 15th of February, 2003
My companion wanted me to meet with two of the ladies on the staff to discuss clothing design. The conversation was lively and interesting. As we bade our farewells both ladies decided one after the other that I must have been a viking in a former life.

The Grim Reaper; Jewel/Osco Grocery, Chicago, 28th of January, 2003
"Are you the Grim Reaper?" asked a little olde lady as I shopped in my pointy winter hat and wool coat. True, my cool climate attire is charcoal grey, almost black, and I am on the tall side of the bar, but c'mon, where do the good folk of our planet come up with this stuff?

Sting; Echo Gallery, Chicago, 19th of January, 2003
How? Why? It boggles the mind. I found myself at a "provocative" gallery opening at the Echo Gallery. Not my usual cast of characters, but I did see a number of familiar faces. Derailing a casual conversation about cabaret performance, was the injection of a transgendered fellow. This Angelique, informed me that I resemble singer/songwriter/actor Sting. She did not elaborate.

Johnny Winter; Bristol Renaissance Fair, Kenosha, Wisconsin, 25th of August, 2002
A kind lady brought this to my attention, as she was taking a picture of my costume attire. Mr. Winter is Blues guitarist with albinism. I was dressed as the mythological, antlered forest spirit Karnonos.

The Crocodile Hunter; Good lord, where am I? The planet Cornball? Chicago, July 2002
Did not see this one coming. A youth thought to share this incite with me as I was on lunch break. I was wearing a beige fedora that I found rolling with the wind on a dusty rode in New Mexico. Crikey!

Prince Xizor of the Dark Sun crime syndicate; SWCII, Indianapolis, Indiana, May 2002
Under normal conditions one might be quite surprised to be likened to a fictional character from the Star Wars Universe. But these were hardly normal conditions. At this convention I was in fact made up as the Clone of Emperor Palpatine. Perhaps one hundred individuals approached me to guess what my costume was meant to portray. Roughly half had it right. Almost everyone else thought I was gunning for the green-skinned reptilian Xizor. Granted both are obscure EU characters, but still, do I really look like a Falleen?

A European; Neo's nightclub, Chicago, Illinois, March 2002
Again I must ask: what does a European look like? I suppose a European might be discerned from an American by lack of backwards facing baseball cap, and the refusal to wear jeans around the waist--opting for the hip area instead. As it would be, the club patron who came up to me and shouted in my ear over the pounding music had this observation to offer: He said that I look European because of my smug smile and my eyes. My eyes? Well I was wearing white-out-pupil-only contacts. I guess I must pay more attention to the folk the next tyme I am abroad.

Arnold Schwartzenegger ; Logan Square, Illinois, October 2001
I was a volunteer for the Red Moon theater group's Halloween celebration. A grand orchestration. I was assigned to the fyre camp and helped with security, so I wore my hair in a top knot and stood by a gate with my arms folded for a couple hours. A fellow volunteer thought me to be a tough and suggested that I looked like Arnold.

Sabertooth; Riverside Toys 'R Us, Illinois, October 2001
Larry, in the video department, thought to inform us that I resembled Sabertooth, the X-men comic series supervillian. Larry went on to comment that Alexandra's long coat closely matched the female lead in the Final Fantasy VII video game.

ein UFO Wisesenschaftler; Hamburg Dom, Deutschland, August 2001
Reportedly, a Biergarten patron nervously approached my partner and asked if I was a UFO scientist-- I imagine this direct translation to be the Deutsch equivalent of a Man in Black. Alexandra confirmed his suspicions and the surprisingly sober patron announced; "I knew it. His clothing is far too futuristic to be one of us."

CRAZY OLDE MAN; Champaign, Illinois 2001
A humourous--perhaps--story behind this one. I had gone reclaim my formative years by returning to my college scene. I went with friends to my former haunting grounds, a dance place at the edge of town. My frau was unable to accompany me on this outing, so I danced alone--I like to tear-up the rug. One of my friends informed me that a young lady had asked about me. I felt gleeful to think the fairer sex might still pay me notice. Before my pride swelled to unruly proportions, my friend clarified the young lady's question; "Do you know anything about that crazy olde man?" Forsooth, I have always looked forward to earning the title of "crazy olde man." I had imagined however, that this title would come when I was ..older.

"that guy from that tv show with the sword that goes around cutting the heads off the other guys"; Chicago, Illinois 2001
A middle-aged woman as she was leaving the Signature lounge, high atop the James Hancock building in Chicago. I believe that the lady must have been referring to the popular television program called The Highlander.

nüchtern; 2001
My companion spoke this of me. Nüchtern is a German adjective meaning jejune, empty, fasting; insipid; sober; abstinent, moderate. My precious one assures me that nüchtern in contextual use can mean more that the sum of its definition. To Alexandra, nüchtern denotes a sober way of being, one who looks upon the world with objective eyes.

Flame; 2001
An Illinois toll way operator. I want to think that he was referring to my three month olde, faded, red hair dye.

Axle Rose; 2001
Young man from atop a skate board in local area park. Yeah, um I was wearing a hat I bought in Texas. Maybe if he had been wearing a helmet he would not have made this observation.

"the sweetest five year olde that I know"; 2000
From my good friend Abigail . She has told me that this is how she explains me to others. I am actually a little older than 5, but I am happied not to look my age.

"The lost member of Fleetwood Mac"; 2000
Received this title from Jillian, the bread girl, as I passed my local bakery.an

Immortal; 1999
Fellow CTA "L" train traveler. I often write as I travel, and for reasons known only in one of my past / future lives, I usually write with a quill and ink well. This fellow passenger was bewildered it seemed, by my antiquated means of journalizing. I think he made sense of me by rationalizing that I was in fact an Immortal.

Alexandra; 1997 to present
A woman once asked why I kept a picture of myself on my desk--the picture was actually of Alexandra. Many people have commented that my companion Alexandra and I could pass for siblings. Still others have sworn that we could pass for one another. I find this all has a certain sense to it, we are similar in many uncanny respects. Forsooth I would not be alarmed to learn that we are dual aspects of a single soul from a former life.

Eeron the Relentless; 1998
A legendary character from the collectible card game Magic the Gathering, Homelands expansion. I was also once referred to as a Nettling Imp, another character from MTG, by a fellow who had known me for all of fifteen minutes.

Julian Sands; 1997
My friends once told me that I could pass for Julian after his role in the film Warlock. I did not mind the comparison. From what I have seen Julian Sands has always portrayed eccentric and drol persona and I respect him for it.

ein Nationalsozialist; 1994
A couple of yahoos in a restaurant casino. Called me a Nazi because I of my German Civic Engineer's Jacket. I cannot say that I much care for the comparison. On that occasion I wanted to pound upon their noggins for their lack of forethought.
The term Nazi defines a member of the powerful political party that mobilized a nation--key word Nationalist. The same will forever be associated with horror and atrocity and evil. The agenda that this movement devolved into represented the most twisted and insidious interpretation that can be rendered from Darwinism. I strongly oppose these ideas and their representation today. Man must never forget history, lest he become doomed to repeat it.

The Dog Star; Andromedia Print Production shop, Champaign, Illinois 1993
CMa, Canis Major. My classmate Greg spoke this to me. He was cryptic in his delivery. At the tyme I dismissed the comment as so much eccentricity. But then I seldom knew Greg to be frivolous with his words. Now I am thinking about what he might have meant, like a puzzle that beckons to be solved. Perhaps he meant to say that I tend to take things too Siriusly.

Errol Flynn ; 1993
A woman who worked at the Fish House in Chicago. They had the best jumbo shrimp. I was sporting shorter hair, a mustache and goatee at the tyme. My colleagues concurred with the lady's assessment, going so far as providing me with photo copies of the actor as he had appeared as Robbin Hood.

an alien, Nordic type; 1993
Two sources in the same year. There are those who believe that there are visitors to this world living undetected amidst the scores of man. As it was explained to me, there are at least four major races of extraterrestrial life forms living amongst the naked monkeys we commonly refer to as humans. I have been told that my particular physical constitution is consistent with the alien race known as the Aryan, or Nordic type. Once I was questioned as to my planetary allegiance, so confident was the individual of having discovered my true nature. I have not seen that individual since--and neither has any other human.a

pallbearer; 1993
I have a stoic side.

Fabio; 1992
A street urchin as I dined outdoors with a dear sweet lady pal. Fabio is a cover model, singer, and butter substitute spokesman revered by romance novel aficionados the world over.

an art fag; campus town, Champaign, Illinois 1992
No surprise really. I think most artistically inclined or otherwise eccentric folk are predestined to this moniker. My personal favourite example was a night in which my lady friend of the tyme and I were enjoying a romantic evening stroll. To be fair, we were wearing kimonos in a very Western campus town. The car drove by and the occupant shouted out; "Oh my god, it's an art fag wedding." Even I thought it was funny. All through the night I chuckled to myself.

an white-haired worlock; dinner table, Illinois 1989
By my Sister, Cynthia , in an all too obvious attempt to divert my Parents' attention from some misdeed that was about to become the topic of discussion at the family dinner table. I studied and had leeched my hair of pigment that season, it is true. I was as surprised by the statement as I was delighted to be called something so intercool.

Tomëk; 1988
Noting the diversity of my high school classmates, I asked those who signed my year book to write in their native tongue. One lady went so far as to translate my name into Tomëk. I spoke of this to my friend Eric who was determined to indoctrinate me into the ways of Punk Rock / Death Rock subculture. Much to my surprise Eric began to introduce me as Tomëk to his punk friends. The nickname / handle stuck. To this day, I still encounter those who believe this to be my true name. (This explains my apparent invulnerability to spells of binding.)

Bono; 1987
My first girlfriend once told me that she often referred to me as Bono, singer of the popular band U2, when describing me to her family. Funny, over a decade later my friend and partner Alexandra has told me that she sees Bono in me as well.

a rock musician; 1986 to present
Not too much to say about this comment, I hear it a couple tymes a year. I have worn my hair long for half my life. I like long hair. I feel that every man should wear long hair once in their life tyme. By the same token a man should walk the walk with a shaved head and try out a beard, and a mustache--just to see oneself in another light. I have shaved my head bald once; I did not like it, my head is too pointy--and I am not from FRANCE! <<If you understand that reference I invite you, to consume mass quantities of beer and fiberglass, that is after I finish teaching my driving students. >>

Thomas Spanos

well I neverever
• In my 36 trips around the Sun* I never smoked a cigarette.

• I never drank an alcoholic beverage or coffee.

• I never ever used a drug for intentions other than medical. I avoid aspirin.

• I never penned a body of text longer than a paragraph without a spelling or grammar mistake. (Persian flaw; To strive for errorless grammar would be to court the perfection of the Gods, thus rejecting man's place within The Divine Structure.)

• I never -- successfully -- conjured a Major Daemon to nettle or smite my foes. (I am quite the proficient nettler on my own. Never got into the whole smiting business. Smiting just lands one in the Big House.)

• I never used air conditioning in my own automobile. On the spiritual level, I really do not care for air conditioners. To cool the auto I much prefer the open window. I believe that the home should be kept cool by good design. Failing that, a nice steele bladed antique fan is my best friend.

• I never fully trusted what they say. Never.

• I do not litter. Each day I try to throw away or recycle at least one article of litter that I encounter in my wanderings. Some days I can fill a trash bag with the refuse between my home and the train.

• I never became too olde for Halloween, toy stores, or hide-and-go-seek.• I do not press my floor button more than once whilst riding the lift.• I do not leave my automobile's engine running whilst parked.

• I do not carry an umbrella. I love rain, in all its many aspects. I like to be cool and wet. I am however, inclined to carry a parasol.

• I never wore a "fanny pack." You are thinking of someone else.

• When I am hungry, I do not say "I am starving." Starvation is a serious state not to be confused with fasting, and certainly not with the hunger between daily meals. ¿Is it tyme for Second Breakfast yet?

• I no longer eat red meat. I still eat meats named after the animal that has been sacrificed to create it. For instance; Chicken is begotten of Chicken. I eat Chicken. Cow meat is called beef, or steak, or ground chuck. I do not eat these things. Perhaps modern humans recognize the cow as being more similar to man than a chicken. And perhaps, for this reason man has taken to calling the meat of such higher animals by names not immediately related to that animal, to separate the meat from the beast.

• I have never been possessed by the desire to end an electronic mail message with an emoticon. =(

• I see no distinction between "blue collared" and "white collared" workers.

• I do not leave electronic devices waiting. The gas pump that asks if one would like a receipt, the microwave that was paused in the middle of accelerating popcorn. I respond to these devices so that they may return to their separate rest states. It feels polite to me.

(I once considered the eating of babies, a modest proposal, but have since dismissed the idea as allegorical fiction.)

*(I become precisely one year older with the passing of every 365.25 days or so. Why yes I am a Virgo, why do you ask?)

My dark and dangerous secret:
I have membership cards to both the NRA and the Dr. Demento Society.

¿Why are there boots at the top of this page?
There are several symbols and objects that I find myself aligned with. I have always been fond of heavy boots. They give me a sense of grounding and of security. Once I injured myself whilst in pursuit of a robber. I had been wearing a pair of obnoxiously thick soled "fashion" shoes in the incident. Ever since then I have worn only street tested, practical boots. Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall. It is all the same. These boots are symbol for myself.

Why, pray tell, are you reading this?
This page was last modified on Friday, 18.09.2009 1:37.